Tuesday, January 31, 2006

How do I explain this

This I have to tell.

With all the problems that I have, I turned to God. I know he's there and I know that he has the answer. It's just that my faith is sometimes so small and I get impatient. I want to fight, I want to argue, I want to proclaim my innocence...and probably strain a few relationships along the way. But deep inside I know that it isn't right and I wouldn't be walking in faith that way. I have to be patient. I have to wait for his solution.

I haven't really listened to God for a long time, but now I really want to hear what he has to say. 'Cause I'm tired of crying and being stressed.

So this morning I woke up at 5am. I usually wake up in early in the morning, because I feel cold. I automatically check on Miguel in his bed beside mine, and he's usually curled up so I put the blanket over him and turn down the fan. But this time, after I got back in bed and under the sheets, I waited. What is it, God?

And do you know what he said?

He said, "you're always looking after Miguel even if he doesn't know it. He wakes up every morning without the slightest clue of what you've done for him. Don't you think that I'm the same? How much more would I do for you? You just don't know it, but I'm always taking care of you."

I felt like he just laid a blanket over me.

Anyway, I went back to sleep. And later this morning I got a phone call. Looks like everything's going to be okay. Isn't he great?

Honestly I really feel so undeserving. He's so good even when I'm so rotten. He said a lot more, about me having to learn my lesson. In the same way that I want Miguel to learn his lessons so that he can grow up. Sometimes I think that it's so hard to learn when in fact it's just a matter of doing what he says. Something I should have known by now.

And oh yeah, thank God for my mom as well.

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