How do I explain this

This I have to tell.

With all the problems that I have, I turned to God. I know he's there and I know that he has the answer. It's just that my faith is sometimes so small and I get impatient. I want to fight, I want to argue, I want to proclaim my innocence...and probably strain a few relationships along the way. But deep inside I know that it isn't right and I wouldn't be walking in faith that way. I have to be patient. I have to wait for his solution.

I haven't really listened to God for a long time, but now I really want to hear what he has to say. 'Cause I'm tired of crying and being stressed.

So this morning I woke up at 5am. I usually wake up in early in the morning, because I feel cold. I automatically check on Miguel in his bed beside mine, and he's usually curled up so I put the blanket over him and turn down the fan. But this time, after I got back in bed and under the sheets, I waited. What is it, God?

And do you know what he said?

He said, "you're always looking after Miguel even if he doesn't know it. He wakes up every morning without the slightest clue of what you've done for him. Don't you think that I'm the same? How much more would I do for you? You just don't know it, but I'm always taking care of you."

I felt like he just laid a blanket over me.

Anyway, I went back to sleep. And later this morning I got a phone call. Looks like everything's going to be okay. Isn't he great?

Honestly I really feel so undeserving. He's so good even when I'm so rotten. He said a lot more, about me having to learn my lesson. In the same way that I want Miguel to learn his lessons so that he can grow up. Sometimes I think that it's so hard to learn when in fact it's just a matter of doing what he says. Something I should have known by now.

And oh yeah, thank God for my mom as well.

Girls, girls, girls

As told by my mom

Miguel: I don't want to go to Ateneo!

Mom: Why?

Miguel: Because there are no girls there.

Ninang: You know Miguel, there's a school beside Ateneo called Miriam, and it's full of girls. Do you want to go to Ateneo now?

Miguel, excited: Yes, yes, yes! (Jumping excitedly) I love girls! I love girls! I love girls!

(Mom laughs)

Ninang: Hay nako Miguel, I'm glad that you love girls. (Muttering) At least you don't love boys.

Miguel, quick change: I love boys! I love boys! I love boys!

:)

Gentleman

Last Sunday there were too many children in Miguel's Sunday School class, so the boys were made to go to a different room. The girls were left behind. He didn't understand why the girls had to be left behind.

Me: It's better to move the boys than the girls because boys are stronger. You have to be a gentleman.

Miguel: I don't want to be a gentleman.

Me: You mean that if you are in a train and you are sitting down and there is no other seat left, you will not give your seat to a girl?

Miguel: I want to stay in my seat.

Me, thinking fast: What if you are an adult and mommy is a lola, and we are in a train and there is only one seat? Will you let me sit down?

Miguel: I will let you sit down

(I smile)

Miguel: ...and I will sit in your lap.

Me, appalled: But Miguel, you're an adult! You will not sit on my lap as an adult, will you?

Miguel: Then I will sit down, and YOU will be the one to sit in my lap.

Mwahahahaha!

Where did the fun go?

Okay I've been saying this to myself for years, so since I'm on the brink of it I may as well write about it.

Once upon a time I asked myself, "when did life stop being fun?" And after some thinking I concluded, "when I had to go to school."

Think about it. When you're a kid all you ever do is play. Play with your cousins, play with your toys, watch TV, then play, play , play. Then grade school comes around. And all of a sudden you have to wake up early every day, hie off to school, do assignments, and eventually try to make the grade.

(Little did I realize that life becomes a little less fun for the parents too. Big school signals the start of a never-ending ritual of waking up early, saving up for incidentals, and don't forget paying the tuition.)

Despite all that I flourished in a traditional school. I was the kind of kid that didn't have to study yet got good grades. If I were ambitious - meaning that if my parents had pushed me, since I was too young to understand - I could have become one of those nerdy kids with all the honors. Thank God that didn't happen!

But notwithstanding my above-average performance, I resented school. In a way I felt like it was a prison.The rules. The nuns. The box that I had to follow. Remember having to stand 2 blocks (tiles) away from the next student at flag ceremony? Or having to walk in single file on the right side of the corridor? Makes my skin crawl to think that Miguel will have to live that way for the next 8 years. I grew up in that mold and in spite of my being an artist and an ad writer I am still totally anal.

To be honest I would really prefer a non-traditional school where students are encouraged to think creatively. There are a few good ones, just a bit more expensive than Ateneo. But it would be a new concept for my family. (You know, the one where everyone went to Ateneo.)

More than anything I would need family support to send my son to a different school. Can you imagine the constant questioning, "what school is that again?" and me having to explain why I chose that school. I'd have to have an airtight reason for sending him there. ADD? There's a possibility, but...nah.

And there's also this thing about your child's learning style. That you should put him in the kind of set-up in which he will thrive. Well guess who turned out obssessive-compulsive like his mom?

I know, I know. I'm always denying my obssessive-compulsiveness.

But honestly. I'm so thrilled that Miguel's going to Ateneo. When I got the letter informing me that he had passed the entrance exam, I realized that this was the first time that he achieved something totally on his own. Well, not really the first. Remember that he was promoted to yellow belt in taekwondo last year.

For the entrance exam, he went into the Guidance Department with 20 other kids and came out 40 minutes later. I had no idea what went on inside. I asked him how the test was, and he replied, "it was easier than the mock exam." Well whatever happened in there I guess he had an easy time because he passed.

So now we're bound for Ateneo. Big school. But wait...let me pay the tuition on Monday first. Thanks to my bro Gueli can enroll this year.

So will life stop being fun for Gueli? I really hope not. He really wants to go to Ateneo. Ever since we brainwashed him at age 2 by telling him that there are a lot of corners in La Salle. (As in, "stand in the corner!")

The thing he will miss is having girls for classmates. Oh no! Who will he kiss now? Who will he ask to marry him next? Man, he's got to get over that habit soon.

Exciting, isn't it?

Hello 2006!

Now that my deadlines have been met I can sit back and write again.

The new year started off pretty good. Miguel and I have been arriving at school - and at work - on time. Kinda getting ready for June, when I'll be bringing him to big school instead.

This morning Miguel practically jumped up from bed at 6 a.m. because he wanted to play Yu-Gi-Oh before dressing up for school. I usually wake up at 6:30, and Ninang usually wakes him up at 6:45. Imagine her surprise when she came in to find us with a card game in progress.

Talk about planning ahead. Mom told me that last night he turned of the TV at 8:30 and told the nanny that it was time for him to go to bed. No wonder. This kid is very motivated when it comes to play.

I guess that I should write about the holidays but unfortunately my sis lost her digicam so I will rely on the relatives for images. Let me gather my thoughts a moment. Hmm. Well, we stayed up a lot and ate a lot and played a lot of Harry Potter on the PS2. The Christmas and New Year's eve gatherings and cousins' night out were a blast as usual. Miguel decided that he believes in Santa Claus this year, so it's fortunate that Santa gifted him with a video game.

No, Miguel doesn't have his own room yet, nor his own bed. But at least he's going to big school. Thank God for that.