Chuck Norris Files

Facebook status, February 6, 5:30 PM:

Just now, from Miguel: Did you know that when you misspell "Chuck Norris" in Google, it doesn't correct the spelling? It says, "you have ten seconds to live.

Facebook status, February 7, 8:00 AM:

Last night, at bedtime...

Miguel: Chuck Norris used to work for the FBI.
Me (drowsy): Hnnh.
Miguel: He was their best negotiator.
Me: Yeah?
Miguel: All he had to do was say, "I'm Chuck Norris.

Facebook status, February 7, 8:02 AM:

This morning, over breakfast:

Miguel: One day Chuck Norris was hungry for a banana. He went to an apple tree. There was no banana. He said, "I'm Chuck Norris." And then a banana fell.

(This one was made up by Miguel. Given his track record, I say it's an original.)

This one's going into "Miguelisms"

Presenting - Mommy Sandy!

Early this week Miguel got up from his breakfast for no apparent reason and went into a monologue at the foot of the dining table.

Let's talk about Mommy Sandy!

(Assuming a booming announcer's voice:)

Mommy Sandy: Talking to her undies.
Mommy Sandy: Always brushing her teeth after breakfast.
Mommy Sandy: Thinks that she is an animal.
Mommy Sandy: Being chased by the police at night.
Mommy Sandy: Forgetting to pass by the bank.

(Bow)

So according to him I am an obbssessive-compulsive animalistic nighttime fugitive with Alzheimer's who talks to her undies. Don't ask me where he got it from. And no, I don't talk to my undies.

"I'll tell you in song!"

Bedtime is the final frontier of your child's day, your last chance to find out the most significant thing that happened to him in the last 24 hours. In the midst of all the cuddling and kissing and good-nights, he is wont to reveal to you his deepest darkest secrets. I always use it as a time to find out what's really going on in his life. A lot of times Miguel tells me things that reveal something about his character, his wants, or his anxieties. But sometimes he just makes me laugh.

Well last Thursday I wanted to find out how he felt about riding the bus, or more specifically, why he only threw up in the mornings. Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Miguel, do you like riding the bus?
Miguel: No. I mean, I don't know.
Me: Do you like it better in the morning, or the afternoon?
Miguel: I like it better in the afternoon.
Me: Why?
Miguel: I don't know.
Me: I'm trying to find out why you throw up only in the morning and not in the afternoon.
Miguel, suddenly piping up: I'll tell you in song!
(Starts singing, to a tune that sounds suspiciously like "The Yellow Submarine")

In the morning, the bus is stinky
It smells like a pinky
Mrs. Binky!

In the afternoon, it's very fu-un
Games games games
Games games games

I couldn't stop laughing. Like I always tell him, I'm glad that he has a sense of humor. I totally believe him that his nausea is triggered by smell, because he's always been consistent about that. The smell could be an accumulation of the boys' sweat (eww) or the exhaust from the tail pipe, but certainly it's the full stomach that allows this to happen in the mornings.

I also suspect that afternoons are more fun for him because it's just the Prep and Grade 1 kids who ride home with him - a smaller, more homogenized group that is bent on play.

'Course, it could also be that he's unconsciously trying to get my attention. In any case, I'm just glad to know that he's a really happy boy.

Can somebody please tell me what's going on?

Here's another "strange" photo for our archives. Sort of in the spirit of Hit the monkey.

By the way, this picture was taken around early April, before we started cleaning up his room.

9/100

Stonehenge addendum

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Miguel's theory on how the monument was built:

"Stonehenge is a giant's building blocks that he forgot to pack away."

We must alert the archeologists and anthropologists at once :D

Favorite foods

I think that I know my son so well. We had this conversation yesterday at the breakfast table, about what his perfect meal is:

Me: I know what your perfect meal is.
Miguel: What?
Me, grinning: Tilapia with rice, churros con chocolate, and strawberry shake.
Miguel: Wrong! My perfect meal is spider, and cockroach, and dirt, and french fries, and grapes with ketchup!

Yuck! Now who would eat grapes with ketchup?

Right now my favorite food is tom yum goong (a longtime favorite), iced lemonade and mangoes for dessert. Mmmmm!

Oh and for the record, Miguel corrected me and said that his favorite meal is chicken and rice, french fries with ketchup, iced tea, and strawberry shake. And which toy would you like with that?

4/100

It was his idea

Thank God my son loves taking baths. Although he sometimes protests when I announce that it's time for him to hit the shower, 99% of the time he takes his sweet time because he's too busy playing.

One of his favorite "games" is making funny hairstyles, and yesterday he coudn't wait to show me how high his hair can go. Hmm, looks like he's overdue for a haircut.

Now tell me, didn't you use to do that when you were a kid?

I really hope that he doesn't mind that I posted this, when he's all grown up.

And by the way, I really feel so much pressure to post regularly, now that I know that mama aly is checking out my blog every day. Sort of like a Pinoy Big Cousin :)

Oh yeah. Notice the sliver of soap meticulously attached to the bigger bar of soap ;D

What the...?

With Miguel, a regular conversation isn't always "regular." This one happened right after I told him that it was time to go downstairs for lunch.

Miguel, picking up his Command Wolf zoid: Mommy, are dogs and wolves enemies?

Me: No, in fact they're related.

Miguel: How?

Me: Well, wolves are a kind of dog. Wild dogs.

(We arrive at the dining room and Miguel puts the Command Wolf in front of our Jackrussel terrier.)

!?

Me: What are you doing?

Miguel: I'm seeing if Rover will fall in love with the wolf.

Well, the sparks weren't flying between Rover and the zoid. But I suspect that Miguel would have been happier if the dog attacked the wolf.

And, uh, I think that he needs a playmate as well.

Girls, girls, girls

As told by my mom

Miguel: I don't want to go to Ateneo!

Mom: Why?

Miguel: Because there are no girls there.

Ninang: You know Miguel, there's a school beside Ateneo called Miriam, and it's full of girls. Do you want to go to Ateneo now?

Miguel, excited: Yes, yes, yes! (Jumping excitedly) I love girls! I love girls! I love girls!

(Mom laughs)

Ninang: Hay nako Miguel, I'm glad that you love girls. (Muttering) At least you don't love boys.

Miguel, quick change: I love boys! I love boys! I love boys!

:)

Gentleman

Last Sunday there were too many children in Miguel's Sunday School class, so the boys were made to go to a different room. The girls were left behind. He didn't understand why the girls had to be left behind.

Me: It's better to move the boys than the girls because boys are stronger. You have to be a gentleman.

Miguel: I don't want to be a gentleman.

Me: You mean that if you are in a train and you are sitting down and there is no other seat left, you will not give your seat to a girl?

Miguel: I want to stay in my seat.

Me, thinking fast: What if you are an adult and mommy is a lola, and we are in a train and there is only one seat? Will you let me sit down?

Miguel: I will let you sit down

(I smile)

Miguel: ...and I will sit in your lap.

Me, appalled: But Miguel, you're an adult! You will not sit on my lap as an adult, will you?

Miguel: Then I will sit down, and YOU will be the one to sit in my lap.

Mwahahahaha!

Miguel has a new game

It's called "hit the monkey." Can anybody guess how it's played?