A Conversation A Day

What makes a day worth living?  After considering all that I've been through for the past several months, for me, it all boils down to this:

People need at least one meaningful conversation a day.

That's my theory. You can spend the day in frenzied activity, or you may do absolutely nothing. But by day's end, you will look for the one touch point, one connection, that reminded you that, yes, you are human and you are alive. Today.

Even if you have a very busy and productive day, full of accomplishment, you will still seek that face-to-face validation from another person; that, "Hey mom, guess what happened today!" moment.

In most circumstances it is a connection with someone with whom prior connections have been built and nurtured; someone you trust; someone you love. Those lively and/or thought-provoking lunchtime conversations, spontaneous lunches out, late afternoon coffee breaks, and quick merienda trips down the street. Those web-surfing breaks in two floors above, rides home with a trusted friend, late dinners with your mom, and weekend fellowships with my bosom friends.

And even rarer: those dinners with my supermoms, nights out with my BFFs, and the steady, reliable rhythm of our family get-togethers.

But that is not all. I am also challenged to develop new connections. The family member you've been taking for granted. The relative that you hardly talk to. The household staff whose shoes you've never even tried. The child who asks you,"Mommy, can I, can I can?" for the nth time and it finally gets to your head that it wouldn't hurt to say yes.

And what of the hermits of this world? The men and women who live alone, whether or not they are surrounded by others? Honestly, I cannot tell.

What would it be like to live without human contact for long periods of time? Not to be touched. Not to be heard. Not to hear another person's unfettered thoughts.  Whether it's an epiphany about the direction of your life, or a clamor about that leaky faucet.  

I do not know, nor do I wish to know. Right now I am just so very thankful for the people God has given me in this life. I hope that I can take care of these relationships, these people. Hopefully I can expand this circle as well, and recognize who should be in it.

That's all. Social networking is fine, and blogging is fine. But give me a hand to hold, a voice to listen to, and ears to hear what's on my mind.

Hi and Goodbye

Okay, I don't have all the text messages, but the exchange pretty much went like this.  If you wonder why I'm publishing private text messages here, it's because I don't want to forget the circumstances of how I said goodbye to my friend.  As it turns out, it was a "hello" that actually meant "goodbye."

From: CH     2012/01/29 23:30:03

Raul said to say Hi. Thanks again for the fun Saturday night. Have a great week!

From: SS     2012/01/30 09:30:00?

Good morning! Yeah, we were part of a pretty tight group in those days. Have a great day :)

From: CH     2012/01/30 11:39:33

Hi Sandy, just confirmed some bad news, Raul Rodrigo passed away in his sleep last night. I'll send you details of the services when I get them.

From: SS     2012/01/30  11:40:00?

Bad joke?

From: CH     2012/01/30 11:42:01

I wish, confirmed by his teacher and other members of their group this morning.

From: SS     2012/01/30  11:44:00?

Sorry about that. It just seems so incredible. Will get in touch with our friends. Do keep me posted on the details.

From: CH     2012/01/30 11:52:34

Yes, sad and really unexpected. We were practising all day Sat, then yesterday afternoon and evening. He was fine and really enjoying the classes. I'll send you whatever updates I get.

I'm still blown away by the fact that I had this simple opportunity to say hello to an old friend, at just the right time.  It tells me that God is in complete control of my life, and I no longer question what's going on, then or now.  I am exactly where He wants me to be.


And I don't mind mentioning here either that this has been a defining moment for me.  In fact I'm quite amazed at how many changes are happening in the quality of my life.  All for the better I may add.  Rest in peace, my friend.  I will grieve for the dead but still take care of the living.

I Laab You (a.k.a. "Negotiation")

Miguel, with a funny accent: I laab you. Get me milk.
Me: No.
Miguel:  I laab you. Get me milk please.
Me: You already love me.
Miguel: I will laab you more.
Me: Get your own milk.
Miguel: Please please please. I laab you.
Me, sighing: Okay. I'll go down with you.
Miguel, reaching over and handing me a big teddy bear:  Beartolucci will be my ambassador while I watch TV...
Me, laughing: No! You have to go down yourself!
Miguel, losing the accent: Since you're laughing, you're gonna get me the milk, right?
Me: I'm only going to accompany you. 
Miguel:  Aw.
Me: Do you want milk or not?
Miguel:  No....yes.
Me: Let's go.

Pillow Talk

While saying goodnight to my son:

Miguel: "5...4...3...2...1.
Ah, silent but deadly."

Costume for the day

Spider costume for tomorrow's Anansi play.

Language Reviewer

Direction: Write a friendly letter. Use the topic "the time when you went to a very exciting place."

Miguel's letter:

February 33, 2011

Dear Chuck Norris,

Hello! Yesterday I went to Chuck Norris Land. Let me tell you about my experience.

First I went to my hotel to check-in. It was the best hotel ever. Then I went to the Roundhouse Roller Coaster which almost made me barf. So I went to the Beard-fisted Cafe to buy some Chuck Cookies. Then lastly I went to my room and slept hoping that Chuck Norris wouldn't find me.

I hope that you can go there someday.

Your friend,

Miguel

Currency

This hit me while I was researching for music pegs:

True currency is not money, but time.

Think about it: money is but a valuation of what people has invested their time in.

When you pay a worker his wages, you pay foe the time he spends on the labor.

For example, I pay my yaya for the time she spends washing my son's clothes, preparing his meals, inspecting his school bag and nagging him to stop watching TV so he can study.

The advertising company pays me to help form strategies, brainstorm, develop copy and boards, supervise shoots and watch over post production (aside from researching music).

My yaya and I both have 24 hours a day, except that my time is exponentially more valued - in monetary terms - by the skills that I've developed over years of schooling, plus the experience of my previous and present jobs.

Applying the principle on objects, a 10x12 canvas costs just over one hundred pesos. But if I paint on it for 3-5 hours, I can produce an artwork that can be sold for probably eight thousand pesos. If Malang paints on it, he can sell it for more than a hundred thousand pesos. The thing is, Malang has spent a lot of time honing his craft, and the time spent marketing it as well - by himself or others - has added to the value of his artwork.

What about objects which are not works of art?

A diamond is an object of great value. Its value is intrinsically attached to its properties - like hardness, clarity, luster. But you have to consider that it also took a great amount of time (and heat and pressure) to create a diamond, about a billion years or so. (No wonder they say that a diamond is forever.) Not to mention the effort spent in acquiring it through digging, drilling, political wrangling and even cutting and polishing.

I know I'm going somewhere with this thought, so bear with me...

Goodbye, myopia

I want to be farsighted, in more ways than one.

Interactive E-POW

I don't know where he gets his ideas, but I love it!





























*POW stands for Problem of the Week. I forget what the E is for. ("Extra?")

Oh the difference an hour makes

One hour ago I was getting stressed.

Then my friend asked me to go accompany him for merienda, and told me how his fiancé went all wacko on him. Now he's seriously thinking of calling off the wedding, notwithstanding that they have a child and have been living together for several months.

And now I don't feel like my troubles are so bad after all.

They're probably just...common.

To yaya for not to yaya

That is the question.

Because Miguel's nanny of 8 years (on and off), Yaya Reiza, will be leaving us mid-March. She's become like family to us.

In the years that she's been with us, she's left to get married, asked to come back, and gotten pregnant (by her spouse). So now it really is time to say goodbye. Well, Miguel is ten years old, and he has adjusted to middle school. So now I'm wondering if maybe it's time to say goodbye to having a nanny.

Imagine how much I would save! :P

But then, as if to really present the issue to me, Miguel got sick last night. Just a fever, which will hopefully be gone by today. It just so happens that yaya is on leave today, so I had to stay home and take care of him first. Who would watch over him when he's sick and I have to be at work? Luckily my mom volunteered to check on him throughout the day. But that's only for today (if you know what I mean). Sigh.

Inadequacies

Don't let me fool you into thinking I've got it all together. I might act like I do, but I most certainly do not.

Take for example this upcoming Father and Son Night in my son's school. Such a big hullaballo. I've known about it for years, and I always thought that I'd go anyway, be the one of the few women at the campfire (I know a few other single moms in the batch), maybe even knock over a few beers, and show those men how much balls we single moms have got. Or just show up to watch the festivities, then leave with Miguel as soon as it was time for dinner.

But alas, ten days ago we were all advised that moms, other family members, and caregivers will not be allowed to attend the entire affair. So much for my attempt to prove that I am just as good as any man.

I asked Miguel if he would like Ninong to go with him instead - Ninong is, after all, an alumni of the school - but Miguel's reply was swift, as if he'd settled the matter in his mind long ago: "I don't want to go."

What's a woman to do?

Blame the men.

Yes, this is the part where I blame my ex-boyfriend for not being man enough to bond with my son, so that: a) I wouldn't have dumped him; b) we would've been married by now; and c) he'd be going to the Father and Son Night with Miguel.

Well. I've been down this emotional path before. Many times, mind you. And while the impending Father and Son Night merits a visit down memory lane, I won't take long on this stroll.

There was a video that I watched some time ago wherein the speaker mentioned that "blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort." And that's when I realized why I blamed my ex for so long after I ended the relationship - there was pain, and a lot of it. Basically, me realizing the inadequacies in my life (and subsequently, Miguel's) and wanting to fill a male, testosterone void that I cannot fill. There were many reasons for me to get into a serious relationship at that point, and that, apparently, was a major one.

Well, it's been a few years since I wised up and realized - and accepted - that marriage just isn't for everyone. That there's no point in being unhappy in a relationship when you can be happy without one. (And since I never made any wedding vows to anyone, I'm not defaulting on any deal.)

And as for those inadequacies? Embrace them. You can't have it all, you see. And while I still have my idols and idolesses - married couples who put family first and are pretty cool in my book - I'm not hung over about having their picture-perfect lives. Because looking at my son, I know he's happy and that he's turning out pretty well for a ten-year-old, thanks God. And not surprisingly, I'm happy too.

There, I've said my piece. Enough with that walk down memory lane. As for Father and Son Night, if you read my earlier post, you'll see what we'll be doing instead.

Today's Costume for Choral Recitation

It's about the tieeeeeee!

Filing for a leave

There is always a bit of drama going on with me. When you're a single mom, it's guaranteed!

Dear (boss),

Sorry I didn't ask permission personally first regarding the (date) leave. I do remember that email you sent; I just misunderstood because I thought that you were referring to a leave request that was filed after the leave was taken.

On (date of), the Grade 4 batch will be celebrating Father & Son Night, which is the biggest event of the year for the batch. There's been a lot of preparation and to-do about the whole thing, but being a single mom, I can't take part in the activities. I've asked my son if he's like his ninong to attend with him, but he'd really rather not go. Rather than let him feel bad that he's missing out on the whole thing, I've decided to "make it up" to him by taking him out on that day, "father" and son, right after classes while the other boys are pitching tents with their dads.

It really is a long story, and I felt a bit awkward about explaining the whole thing. But since the the event had already been announced, I didn't want to file at the last minute while I was fighting my discomfort. Perhaps writing about it makes it easier for me, and I'm glad that I can explain myself in this way, even if belatedly.

I hope that you don't mind this lapse, and rest assured I will inform you personally before filing in the system. Thank you also for granting my leave request :)

Yours truly,

Sandy

Chuck Norris Files

Facebook status, February 6, 5:30 PM:

Just now, from Miguel: Did you know that when you misspell "Chuck Norris" in Google, it doesn't correct the spelling? It says, "you have ten seconds to live.

Facebook status, February 7, 8:00 AM:

Last night, at bedtime...

Miguel: Chuck Norris used to work for the FBI.
Me (drowsy): Hnnh.
Miguel: He was their best negotiator.
Me: Yeah?
Miguel: All he had to do was say, "I'm Chuck Norris.

Facebook status, February 7, 8:02 AM:

This morning, over breakfast:

Miguel: One day Chuck Norris was hungry for a banana. He went to an apple tree. There was no banana. He said, "I'm Chuck Norris." And then a banana fell.

(This one was made up by Miguel. Given his track record, I say it's an original.)

This one's going into "Miguelisms"

Finally, at Forty

I'd like to share this article that I wrote for the Silver Book, which was published for our 25th homecoming last January 3. (High school batch '86, St. Paul College Pasig) You could say that it's my thesis statement.

Finally, at Forty

I know that some of you are in denial about being forty, but to be honest it’s one of the most wonderful ages to be – better even than thirty.

Finally, at forty, I gained a degree of financial independence, confidence and poise. Chalk it all up to experience: By forty, I had studied abroad, cared for a sick parent, borne a child (out of wedlock!), lost my dad to diabetes, changed careers, nursed various bruises, tummy aches and fevers, fell in love, fell out of love, saw my son through the rough-and-tumble world of big school, become a supermom, lost my other dad, and accomplished something in my chosen field. My list grows longer by the day, as undoubtedly does yours.

I know that there are several experiences that are not on my resumé – getting married, starting a business, having multiple kids, building a house, or experiencing the support of a spouse. But neither did I have to live through marital infidelity, an acrimonious separation, loss of a home through floods, or grave personal illness or injury. For that I am thankful as well.

Finally, at forty – through all these happy, sad, funny, trying experiences – I realized that, hey, I am a woman – a strong woman at that – and that I no longer had to take any BS from this world. And that although I am quite capable of dishing out the crap as well, I can choose not to, because the world crooked and evil enough as it is. But more than that, I have learned to accept with grace the portion and the task allotted to me in this life. Being a single working mom is no easy task; but I relish the adventure of it all.

I’ve been rich and poor, loved and abandoned, strong and weak, supported and alone. And finally, twenty-five years after I stepped out of high school with great hesitation, I have found my center.

Finally, at forty, I have laid aside the illusion that my worth is measured by the amount of my material possessions. I have learned that life can change or even disappear in the blink of an eye, and that I had better be prepared for eternity. I have learned that my greatest legacy is not my triumphs in the corporate world, but my child who will carry on the love for God in his heart. I’ve learned that in the end what matters most on this earth is the family that I hold dear. And that if I’m wise, I’ll learn to expand my heart and extend that love to the rest of humanity as well.

I share these lessons with you out of humility, knowing that you have your own stories to tell. And having you with me as I walk through the furnace of life, it is no small comfort knowing who my true friends are. Finally, at forty, I can say that we are sisters for life.

I hope that time has been kind to you as well. And if ever you’re going through a rough patch, remember: Sis, here’s a hand that you can hold on to.

God willing, I will write for you again twenty-five years from now.

Science project - with cupholder!

Directions: create a periscope using milk cartons.

Illustration/guide:


















Actual:

Car ride

Getting into the car.

Miguel: Mommy, you should clean this car. It smells bad.

Me: Really? What does it smell like?

(Silence as Miguel thinks a while)

Miguel: Like a dog barfed on a radioactive sponge.

*I laugh*

Journal 2001

Here's what happened in 2001.

January 1: Sits with support.

January 5: Sits unsupported. Sat up in the stroller.

January 7: Sat up from crawling position! 3:27 PM at Lolo Benny and Lola Perla's house. All the cousins were there to witness it!

January 13: "Ma ma!" Can pull up on his own from crawling position. Also, baby kisses mommy! More like sliming me with saliva but mommy loves it!

January 14: More pulling up and kissing.

January 15: More pulling up and kissing. Miguel is one very healthy, very happy baby.

January 16: Waves bye-bye.

January 23: Can see second set of incisors.

January 24: Upper incisors coming out.

January 31: Definitely getting his balance while standing with support. Will stand alone soon.

February 3: Baby stands for 3 seconds!

February 7: Baby stands for 5 seconds!

February 10: Photography session at home with Tita Gai and Tita Lisa. Finished 4 rolls of film or 142 shots in 1 1/2 hours.

February 11: Miguel went out with Mommy and Lola to buy first pair of shoes: Chicco size 5 (for 1-year-old)

February 12: A typical day

6:30 Wake up, play
7:15 Cook
7:45 Morning pages
8:30 Breakfast
9:00 Play with Gueli
10:00 Bath - Gueli
10:30 Bath, then computer/internet - Tirbune article
11:30 Lunch
12:00 Go to SFI
1:00 Meeting with writers. Check plugs, scripts, etc.
6:30 Leave for home
7:00 Home, dress up, dinner
7:30 Gueli's bath, dinner
8:00 Sleep

February 13: Stands for 10 seconds!

February 14: Stands for 16 seconds!

February 15: Doesn't like eating cereal. Drank milk instead.

February 22: Stands for 21 seconds.

February 24: Stands for 26 seconds.

February 25: Stands for 36 seconds.

March 1: Stands for 40 seconds.

March 3: First real cold. Runny nose.

March 5: Gets better.

March 7: Still a little runny. 7th tooth out.

March 8: Daldal (talkative) morning. Go to doctor - start of an ear infection; buy 3 more medicines.

March 9: Kisses mommy upon waking up! Twice! Sweet boy!

March 10: "Clap your hands!"

March 19: First lunch out with Mommy, Ninang, Ninang and Yaya at Katre in Quezon City. Had blueberry cheesecake crust (and milk).

March 23: Photo session at Babysitter Studio with Remy Bautista. Accompanied by Mommy and Ninang and Yaya.








First swim in the pool! Swim mates are Ninang Aly, Dino, Mara, Gian, Selene, Mommy and Ninang Leslie.

March 24: Ninong Dennis's birthday party. All the cousins are playing with Miguel's toys.

March 28: 8th tooth out - lower left incisor.

April 4: 9th tooth out - upper left cuspid. Second swim in pool.

April 9: Swimming with 2 ninangs and cousins. Dinner at Lolo Benny's - happy anniversary!

April 10: Mommy can see 9th tooth now.

April 11: New vocal: "ju ju ju ju ju" Baby takes one step (right foot only) recorded on video! Swimming with cousins and Ninang and Mommy.

April 22: Landmark day. Walked 2 steps. Also learned give-and-take. Removes blocks from box one at a time.

May 22: Says "bye."

May 24: Walks unassisted. Puts blocks back in box. Says "ba-bye" while waving. Hugs a lot!

June 2: HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY!

June 22: First haircut

June 28: Picks up ruler, points at letters

July 4: Pushes stroller around

July 23: A new word a day - July was the month of talking

July 26: The diarrhea but happy and active month. Fish and lugaw forever. Bananas and cereal. 2 stool tests. Words are "bite, wala na, ABC, durian." Laughs at "bite." This is the one nap a day month, asleep by 6:30pm month. Still adorable, never tired.

July 27: Visits Cradle of Joy, sees Ninang Leslie and Ate Selene.

July 29: Playtime with Sarina and Keiko at home.

July 31: Pushing furniture around.

August 1: Got toys from Ninang Aly! Miguel falls asleep on the bed on his own after drinking milk.

August 2: Eats durian after lunch :)

August 16: Took down the crib.

August 28: First sentence: "Meme na na" when I left the room.

September 1: Four new teeth!

September 5: Triangle! He gives me the cutout triangle of the foam "A" and gives a triangle block saying "triangle!"

September 12: Word for the day: "cricket"

September 15: Trina Velilla: "When I have a baby I want it to be just like him."

September 16: Word for the day: "women"

Journal 2000

For lack of a baby book, here's what happened in 2000. This isn't everything that happened, but what I happened to write down at the time, verbatim. Am doing this so that my records can be paperless.

August 22, 2000: Baby falls asleep on his own while looking at mobile. A first!

August 24: Picture-taking with Chloe. 9 hours sleep at night.

August 25: 10 hours sleep at night.

August 26: Almost 11 hours sleep. I actually worried because I wasn't used to it and woke him up.

August 27: Baby falls asleep in crib after bath for the 3rd time.

August 28: Baby eats a lot of strained papaya. Practices grasping objects in crib.

September 9: Grasps rattle for the first time.

September 10: Puts rattle to mouth.

September 11: Reacts to "Butterfly!" "Ladybug!" "Swimmer"

September 18: Crawls on tummy.

September 25: Baby is very talkative in the evening.

September 28: Stick-out-your-tongue day.

September 29: Baby flips onto belly.

September 30: First costume party: Isabella Artuz's birthday. Wears Bam-bam costume while Chloe arrives as Pebbles. What a coincidence!


October 3: Start Cerelac with papaya in the afternoon. Crawls backwards.

October 6: Foesn't like potato with cereal in the morning. Would rather sleep some more.

October 7: 6 ozs. of milk in the evening before breastfeeding. Super active evening, crawling all over mommy. Holds out teether with 2 hands.

October 8: Staring at hands.

October 9: Very good mood. Turned over from tummy to back when mommy wasn't looking! Enjoyed "stomping" his feet while sitting on the table.

October 11: "Itik-itik sa Manila Zoo..."

October 14: "Walking" backwards.

October 15: Sitting with support of hands.

October 16: Blows raspberries!

October 22: Rolls over front to back.

October 25: Rolls over continuously.

October 26: First mall outing at Shangri-la. Tita Grace buys a stroller for Miguel.

November 7: Strolling and got caught in the rain!

November 8: Vocalizing at night.

November 22: "Ta ta ta ta" and "a-te"

November 24: Hooray! He activates the "itsy-bitsy spider" crib toy with his hands! "Da da da da" and "ga ga ga ga"

November 25: "Ya ya." Picking up and dropping objects (his teether). Start stage 2 milk (Enfagrow Lactofeee).

December 3: Splashes around in bath. Wears first pair of shorts. Attends party of Alyssa and Nicole de Jesus, daughters of Agnes.

December 13: First naughty trick! Pulling out tissues from box.

December 15: Second naughty trick: "eating" rubber mat.

December 21: Baby crawls on bed to get blocks! Later he crawls faster on dining table.

December 24: Diaper rash. Miguel looks so cute in his blue polo! Noche Buena and Christmas gifts! Santa gave a stuffed toy alligator.

December 29: First teeth!